there is nothing to writing.
all you do is sit down at a typewriter
and bleed.
and i guess literature is the art of turning blood into ink, and i guess i have that down pat.
thats what this blog really is, a chronologically documented series of all the times you've torn me down
i could build the worlds tallest building with all the pain you've given me, but you'd plant dynamite on every level and lower me into the false sense of belief that I'm building something good with all this pain and I'm freeing myself from you but just when i think the job is over and I'm standing atop the trees with you miles below me, so far i almost forget the sound of your voice, you flick the switch, fire the dynamite and bring me crashing back down to you but i can't find you under all the debris and i can't find me, and i don't know who i am at this level and you won't help me and you won't come to find me, its like you take pleasure in watching me fall.
Bob Marley once said,
the biggest coward is a man who awakens a woman love
with no intention of loving her.
and your the biggest coward of them all and i wish i could understand what goes through your head and i wish you would say what your thinking but wishing that is like wishing upon a star, you know it means nothing and that i mean nothing to you and it was nothing but wishful thinking in the most pointless and hopeless way possible as we both know the truth and we both know the answer and it because your too afraid to love me and quite frankly i don't know how i can love you but love isn't enough, even if we think its all we ever need, i know i need more and i need to hear it and i need to see it and i need to feel it and i need to make something out of all this nothingness but your the only thing i feel in a world full of despair and fear and bad choices and lost hopes and in a world full of fake friends, fake feelings and fake people, your the only thing thats real and the love i feel could light any darkness but you've flicked the switch and you act as if i don't mean a thing, and maybe i don't but maybe you should be clear instead of playing stupid games where there is no winner because you've always been a loser and thats where your most comfortable. your a loser and you know it and i know it. the entire goddamn world knows it. and thats where you'll stay and thats where you belong and your too far gone to be saved and i need to remember that every time my heart skips a beat when i think of you and when my brain swirls and my thoughts become nothing but unintelligible rubbish spewing from my fingers, is that your somehow the best guy and the worst guy I've ever known and i hate you almost as much as i love you and my love for you could fill an ocean so imagine how much you've made me hate you.
Hemmingway once said;
write hard and clear about what hurts you.
and i guess this blog even exists because no one can possible hurt me even remotely like you do.
Hemingway also said to write drunk so that works for me too.
