voices in my head

Sometimes I feel like I'm getting worse again. Worse and better at the same time. Worst in the sense I want to die. Maybe more than ever. But better in the way that I'm better at faking it. I'm better at pretending I don't want to die. Proving the DBT torture was effective. Fake a smile, be ok with the things you shouldn't, comply, don't make anyone else feel any type of way, smile more, be pleasant, give up all morals and values and conform, after all, your suffering is your fault.