the things I should have said: my heart breaks again and again with every second your not here.

On the 16th of February 1996.

It was a Friday and i woke up with a sense of excitement in the air. after the school day had finished we jumped into the Van we had, and drove down to the pound. I was bright eyed, curious and only 7. We'd never had a dog before. We walked down the corridor of cages, assessing all the dogs, big and small. and that was when i first i saw him, he was barking louder then all the other dogs, he had golden bronze-ish hair and the cutest face you'd ever hope to see. he was jumping at the cage with his tail beating out of control. while dad walked up and down the line of cages, i sat there with him. He was scary as hell, and almost wolf-like, but there was something about him i was drawn too.

"That one" Dad announced pointing at the dog behind the cage which i was standing in front of. My eyes lit up.

"That one?" the pound employee asked skeptically.

"Yep, that one, he barks the loudest" typical dad reasoning.

I turned back, looking through new eyes at my new best friend. The man opened the cage and walked the dog out and it suddenly dawned on my the overwhelming size and strength of this animal.

As dad was filling out paperwork, the light in my eyes had faded into true fear as the dog eyed me, hungrily, from across the driveway.

"What are you going to call him" the man asked, making small talk.

"I dunno mate" dad replied politely

"you should call him Lucky"

"Lucky?" dad asked, confused and now looking at the man

"Yeah, he was due to get put down at five" he annouced, somewhat looking forward to the job.

I looked down at the time, the bright red clock on the dash board told me it was four-thirty-five.

The drive home was scary, with a giant dog in the back of our van, barking loudly and trampling my school bag.

The next thing i remember was running away from him as he chased me around the backyard, i was screaming in genuine fear while mum and dad laughed from the distance.

"He's not going to hurt you" mum yelled

"are you sure" i questioned skeptically, still running, still screaming.

"Just put your hand out, he just wants to meet you" she answered. and there was something in the way she said it that made me believe her.

i ran and hid behind on the the chairs in the backyard which i could use as a shield if i had too. The dog slowed to a walk, he could sense my hesitation. with a huge gulp, i swallowed my fear and reached my hand up, palm down, to the enormous dog. He approached me, slowly, and touched his nose to my hand, it was cold and wet and curious. I almost cringed away from the dog as fear engulfed me but before i could, he licked my hand in the most playful of ways, his tail a sweeping picture of happiness. He proceeded to put his head under my - still frozen - hand and demanded i pat him. He spent the next few hours getting to know each other and by the time mum called me in for dinner, we were best friends.

Over the next few years, we did everything together, we were a trio, Cheryl-Anne, myself and the Dog. Defa. We played games where he was the shark and we we're pirates, and had cubby houses we had to suddenly evacuate when he'd let a fart rip and the smell himself (hahah). We even played soccer with him, i recall him beating my sister, 4-nil.

We didnt always get along. there were times when i took him for a walk and he dragged me, face down on the concrete, across 2 lanes of traffic in the pursuit of the barking dog across the road. But he was still my best friend in the whole entire world.

When i miss him, or when im sad, i think of him and he makes everything seem okay.

over the years, ive made a mental list of the things i miss the most, and although my heart aches for him, he makes me eternally grateful that i had him in my life for all those years.

the list starts off, in no particular order:

you couldnt sit on the ground in the back yard, he used to run to the other side of the yard, wind himself up and charge at you and try to wrestle you.
he spent so many hours trying to teach him how to jump on the fixed BBQ we had outside and the look on mums face when she discovered we succeeded was priceless, as she looked outside to the barking dog with two legs on the BBQ chimney and 2 legs on the hot plate, standing tall and looking over the fence.
the training session we used to do at the big sand hill in armadale and he used to run through the bush so gloriously, and free, and we'd spend hours playing hide and seek together.
the way he used to cuddle me when he knew i was sad, he would come up from behind when i sat on the ledge of our backyard, he would force his little nose under my arm and demand i not be upset anymore.
he used to take two steps, then jump straight in the air when i used to take him for walk, getting impatient at my lack of speed.
i used to take him for runs. he would run and i would put my rollerblades on and hang on for dear life, but he knew, never to deviate from the footpath and to always stop at every road.
without fail, in every house we lived in, he would seek out which window was mine and sleep beneath it, always protecting me.
as he got older, id have to wake up in the winter mornings, id wonder outside and cover him with a blanket so he was warm and snug and he'd always gave me an appreciative smile for thanks
although he hated the water, when we took him to the beach he got nervous when i used to go in, to the point he would risk the water and the waves to try and save me, but by the time he got to me, in his panic, it was unclear who had to save who.
during the last years we spent together. i used to sneek him inside during the day and we'd sit together on the bean bags and share lunch and watch daytime tv.