&& this is the last blog post i'll ever write about you.

I can't do this anymore

I'm sick of the sleepless nights
The endless dreams
The "what if's"
The "imagine that's"
&& the regret

If I could forget every single trace of you right now, if I could erase every single memory, I would
Make no mistake about it

But I can't handle this anymore

Don't depend on me to ever follow through on anything but
I'd go threw hell for you
&& I haven't been this scared
In a long time
&& I'm so unprepared

This worlds an ugly place
But your so beautiful
To me

your so nice && your so smart

your such a good friend, i have to break your heart

i'll tell you that i love you then i'll tear your world apart

just pretend i didn't tear your world apart

you know i havent slept in weeks;;

your the only thing i see..

torn between what reason says;;

&& how i really feel

we're actually pathetic.

it was a bluff

a bluff you saw to call

or maybe you have a point to prove

or maybe i do

playing chicken is never a good call

we're both as stubborn as each other

or maybe its my fault.

maybe its your turn to rip my heart right out like i've done to you so many times we've lost count.

is it wrong that i didnt want to wake up?

another morning with my head in my hands

another night wasted with dreams of you

&& i wish i could do something about it

but im not so sure i want to

as hard as i try to not care

all these dreams are only of you

of ways to test and talk and touch

i dream these thoughts that wont come true

&& the next morning is always the same

tired like i didnt sleep the night

thinking of nothing only your name

wondering if what i did was right

to walk away from you

thinking it would be easier

wondering if you think about me

like i think about you.

oh blah blah blah blah

shut the fuck up

this is me calling it quits

somewhere along the lines people have mistaken me for someone who gives a fuck.

and i played along for a while

but no more

im bored of this game

I got a story it's almost finished,

And all I need is someone to tell it to;

Maybe that's you.

cant say i was never wrong

but some blame rests on you

work && play

they're never okay

to mix the way you do.

studied all day
epic migraine
vomited all afternoon
now to train in the rain

&& people actually think i have a easy life.

you would quit after my warm up.
&& if you didnt, you wouldnt even survive the first set.

It should never have got to this.

Imagine if this problem never existed
If you were never here in the first place
If I never knew to miss you
If your face never crossed my mind
How much easier would it be
If you never found your way in
Never buried yourself in my veins
If your voice never kissed my ears
Can you imagine it

I can.

I posted this from my iPod

i'm like a beautiful flower

blossoming the the spring air

all people see is the beauty of the flower

they dont stop to think about what makes the flower that way

and if im the flower, your the water

that keeps me living

but i swear i dont need water to live

but my veins are calling for it

my brain is stuck on you

and im falling to pieces knowing the one person

who was always there for me.. isnt.

i'm sick of dreaming about you every night

and sick of writing every second post about you

who knew i needed you this much

and who knew you didnt need me.

i hate you for what you've done to me

you did this
i told you i couldnt do it
and you made me

you've single handedly derailed my next 2 comps.

why i was ever stupid enough to think you were capable i'll never know
your the worst
and this isnt news

trusting you is a mistake i will never make again.