i am tired of this

maybe she laughs
and maybe she cries
and maybe you'd be surprised at everything she keeps inside.
because her heart is broken and her head barely inhabitable.

there is so much blame i hold in my heart, so much i don't understand.
and you know im hurting
and you can see it in my eyes
and hear it in my voice
and it should hurt you too
to know the pain that i hold deep inside

if we're two pieces of the same puzzle than why don't we fit together
why can't we win this game
before you become the dust we will inevitably become
it was a humbling moment
somewhat sobering
but my dreams tell of a world that won't exist
a day that will never see the light
and im scared
im scared ill never utter the words i need too
scared that our days are numbered and one of our souls will embark
without saying those three words
they're not enough

they say time heals all wounds but i would not agree
the wounds remain, the mind tries to protect its sanity and covers them with scar tissue
the pain may lessen
but its never gone

she pulled into the parking space. the same spot she was in when she picked him up a few hours earlier but it seemed like days ago. time stood still in his presence but she never wanted this night to end.  her fingers hesitated and she put her hand to the key, and turned the ignition off. her heart beating faster. and louder. until all she could hear was the blood pumping through her veins and the immense anticipation was almost to much.  She turned to him, his eyes already looking at her.  The butterflies in her stomach were dancing in the lead up to the longest overdue moment in the history of any love story.  He started to speak, but she didn't hear a word. manic thoughts whirlwind through her mind as a tornado of unintelligible thought ripped through that car.  they were as nervous as each other as they opened the door to get out of the car, she stood there waiting, for what seemed like a lifetime as he walked around the back of the car.  Her heart racing faster than her stomach butterflies wings were beating. each step he took towards her was in slow motion. she wished he would run to her.  with every step her thoughts raced faster and faster until he was standing right in front of her.  He put his arms around her and hugged her. she held him in her arms, she knew it felt like home.  The normal time period of an acceptable hug between friends had long passed. she never wanted to let go, but as they did his arms stayed around her waist.  She was shy.  way to shy to be in this moment.  She eyed the floor as they made conversation that she never committed to memory.  she was nervous.  She never liked to make the first move and he never wanted to over step the boundary.  She liked a man who takes control, someone bold who knows what he wants.  But the awkward conversation lasted as their moment slipped from history.  

Another moment of almost maybe and realising it may never be.

As she drove away, watching him in her review mirror, she apologised to her lips.  

They never got what they wanted.

I don't think they ever will.