not alone, but very lonely

i feel so alone
the emptiness seems magnified by the voices in my head
they scream and thrash and are echoing in the corners of my mind
inaudible and frantic
it turns to white noise
i guess they make me feel less alone
but not less lonely

i feel like no one is in my corner
that i chose this struggle
this is the struggle i chose
and I've made my choice
it just was misinformed
but its too late to go back now

i wonder what it feels like to have someone back your dreams
realise and recognise the commitment
pat you on the back
and tell you they're proud
and realise the weight of the world
that its heavy on your shoulders

i never wanted someone to carry this burden
this burden is mine and mine alone
its mine to carry through life

but i wonder what it would feel like for someone to lift one corner
lighten the load
my muscles are weary and my heart is barely beating

i wonder what it feels like to have someone support your dreams.

too much to ask for

when i think about that moment of our time
i wish i could go back and fix it

we didn't miss the mark by much

if i held your hand as you walked down the stairs
or held your stare for longer than i did
if you held me by the hips and never let go
if you kissed me

i think about that moment more than i should
and what it would have felt like
and what it would have changed

i promised myself if i ever got the chance i would carpe the hell out of that diem
that i would run to you
regardless of circumstance
regardless of timing
id run to you
dive into your arms
and kiss you
and hold you
id fall into your arms and stay there
for as long as you'd let me
and as long as you'd want me
for however short that moment that would be.

but i'm afraid that moment will never happen
and im afraid it will never be.
and with every beat of your pulsing heart pushing us close to its last
ill try and not think of all this time we've wasted.

and ill tell myself it was because we needed to learn
and grow
and not have our time too early and ruin what ever fate had in store
but with each year that goes by i get a bit more and more scared that you won't wait
that you'll find her, move on and be happy
and id be happy knowing your happy
and id wait for you, and wait and wait.
ill wait for as long as i had too

with you

i can't wait for the day i wake up, turn my head and kiss you good morning

i hold on to that thought
i feel it deep down that i will have my time with him
but im never right
and he's always wrong
before i fall asleep
i always wonder would it would feel like fall asleep in his arms


i will never forget the moment i realised i love him
I never imagined I'd fall in love with him. The first time we met there was something between us we just couldn't explain.

that was so long ago and it is so hard waiting for the time to be right for us...

so i sit and wait and wait alone. and when im alone, i think of so many things i want to say to you, but when im around you, im speechless.

but your right. i fog things up. and so do you.
i lose my mind.
i have no clarity
you make me crazy
and maybe thats what real love is.

your the one person i could never let go of.

memory

This may never start.
We could fall apart.
And I'd be your memory.
Lost your sense of fear.
Feelings insincere.
Can I be your memory?

So get back, back, back to where we lasted.
Just like I imagine.
I could never feel this way.
So get back, back, back to the disaster.
My heart's beating faster.
Holding on to feel the same.

This may never start.
I'll tear us apart.
Can I be your enemy?
Losing half a year.
Waiting for you here
I'd be your anything.

- sugarcult