i just said goodbye to a guy im gonna think about forever

 

 

 

 

 

I wonder who's arms I would run and fall into if I was drunk in a room full of everyone I've ever loved.

Its an interesting question. And I really don't know how to answer it.

I know who's arms I'd run to if I wanted to feel desired.

Whos arms Id run to if I wanted one last hug.

Whos arms id run to because I missed them.

But the arms in which I feel safe? Protected? Happy? 

The arms that could hold together all the broken pieces of my soul.

To hold me in

And the saddest answer of all is that I'm not sure id run to any of them.

If I could, they wouldn't be my past, they'd be my present. And maybe he's still out there. Maybe he's my future.

I wish we could go back to a time before it was too late

I still feel your fingers tracing my jaw as you looked at my face in awe

The stars slowly started revealing themselves in the night sky, they stretch infinitely across space, out numbered by all the almost maybes between you and I.

The fireworks coloured the world and while all eyes were looking up you were looking at me

Why is it that I always felt like the only women in existence when your eyes are on me from any distance

I can still see the look on your face when you asked my new flame if the girl he was seeing in secret was important

I was sitting right in front of you knowing that you knew because I was your drunken informant 

I could hear it in your voice that me moving on would never have been your choice but falling in love with me wasn't an option either 

And he wasn't ready to keep her

But disillusioned about what purpose he served, I knelt down praying at his steeple

And maybe now you can appreciate why storms are named after people.

were just kids, we know nothing

You offer a place to lay my wounded heart as I sit here on the edge of impossible and improbable, navigating the messaged as mixed as my lovesick thoughts. My story digested into bitesize pieces with the hope they don't get lodged in your throat as you cough out enough half though out sentences to give me enough of a hit to string me along to my isolated desolate burial ground. We've been here before, cold and warm at the same time, floating in a body of water and dying of thirst. The voice in my head swirl and thrash and spiral until I dont know which way is North. You've become my north star out east and im turned about and spining further and further out of control. My thoughts punish me for even contemplating for a second that this could be enough and its a toll ill pay in advanced. Your words, delicate like a feather in the wind, calculated and controlled like a highschool massacre, they could never kill me as much as the voices in my head which envelope me and water my soul down until there isn't much more to me then this thoughts I cant control and words I choke on. Is there more to me than this warfare in my mind. Is there more to me than the voices. Do I even exist outside of your stories.

Your thoughts are not who you are.