Maybe there's something your scared to say
Someone you're scared to love
Somewhere you're scared to be

And it's gonna hurt
It's gonna hurt because it matters.

And just like that

This isn't a game. But maybe it is and I'm not playing it right. But it feels more like your losing but I guess I am too. Maybe that's the point. That we are actually on the same team. We just never figured it out. Because if you are winning then ill be winning too.

But I've never been one for team sports.

You've got a bad habit of keeping me of the edge of my seat

And I'll sit on this chair, at the edge of reason and think and contemplate and distract myself just long enough to pretend like I am okay. But the truth is, I'm not okay, and I'm not going to be okay until your eyes catch mine and the minutes blur to hours and I'm captivated by your touch. But we all know the ending to this story. Long stares from across the room, almost moments and then nothing. Nothing will ever come from this. We are stuck in the cycle of almost maybe.
And that's just not enough for me
Speak now
Act now
Love now
Or it's going to be never.
I'll Try and ill try but the truth is we are not trying hard enough.
And I'll try one last time, meet me in the middle of the haze and ill make it count like we should have made it so many times before. Ill tell you I love you, kiss you, hear you say it back. But life's not perfect and nether is this.
Maybe we should leave well enough alone and spend eternity in the 'what ifs' but that's not captivating enough but it's better then living my life in the 'you wasted so much time for that?'

And that's a thought I've never had before.

Why are we pretending this is nothing?

I miss you so much
So much that it hurts every part of my being with everyday your not here.
I want to run to you
To tell you I love you
To hold your hand in mine and never let go
I wanna lay in the grass let the time pass idly by and lay in your arms
We'd talk
And joke
And laugh
And when we had nothing left to say
we'd kiss
And it tell you that it's always been you
And that no one else compares
I'd tell you I love you
That I've loved you for 11 years
That I'm sorry and that I never meant to hurt you
I'd tell you that I was just scared
Scared because your the only real threat to my sanity
But I'm willing to take that risk
To move into the unknown
Because until I do,
You'll be the only one ill ever dream of.

I need to close this chapter.

now its your turn.

i cant help but smile a painful smile when i think about this.
this must have been how you felt that whole time
this must be the pain in your heart you felt too
the longing
the love
its unbearable 

i dont know how you did it
how you let go
how you moved on
it hurts me to think
i wouldnt rush back in if i were you either
infact,
id run

as far and as fast as ever
and id promise myself never to slip back into this if i ever got the courage to escape it.

and i wouldnt blame you if you did.