limerance

Lost in the labyrinth of limerence, I dance amidst dreams spun from the tapestry of your existence.

Time waits for no man.

Neither does a good woman.

voices in my head

Sometimes I feel like I'm getting worse again. Worse and better at the same time. Worst in the sense I want to die. Maybe more than ever. But better in the way that I'm better at faking it. I'm better at pretending I don't want to die. Proving the DBT torture was effective. Fake a smile, be ok with the things you shouldn't, comply, don't make anyone else feel any type of way, smile more, be pleasant, give up all morals and values and conform, after all, your suffering is your fault.

The dark place where dreams go to die.

i have this hole in my heart i try to fill it with things and nothing seems to satistify it i throw peole in i liife into it pills alcohol my kids nothing seems to fill it. i used it think it didnt get full because it was wrong for me or because it wasnt enough. i used to believe you were the only thing that could fill it. only you. but im beggining to realise that its not a hole in my heart but a bottomless pit and i throw the things i love most into it. and for a while they hang onto the edges, making me feel...something. but they lose grip eventually and they fall another victim of the darkness inside of me you could never fill that hole no one can nothing can only i can or at the very least, i need to learn to live with it. stop using it as a burial ground for the things i love the most.

the unconscious mind

I go bed most nights

Reliving the moments we've had 

You're the last thought before I sleep

Hoping I dream a new moment with you

Something fresh and new that I can hold on to

But when I do dream of us

I dream of the reality of you

Reliving the heartbreak and rejection

The moments I want to forget

The things I never said

the things that have happened to me will never have not happened.

The choice I've made can't be undone

Taken back

Fixed

All I have now is hope

And hope is a dangerous thing

Hope is going to kill me

cravings.

How the actual fuck. 

How am I still here?

Why am I still here?

You haunt me

You always have

You always will

I thought if we had our time then I could let you go

Why can't I let you go

I thought if we had our time than that would be enough.

But I want more.

I'm addicted 

But I'm sober

Always in recovery 

Always wanting more

Never being able to get it

I'll always crave you