i hate the weekends
it means i have to spend time with you.

metaphorically

like a bullet to the head the pain came

&& shot me down like nothing had ever before.

  

one of these days, I'm going to cut you into little pieces.

i can always count on you to put me down

i know its all my fault

ok, i know it is

it's my lifestyle choice

its my dreams

its my fault

i get it

and i love how you say you always support my dreams

but you dont

your just always there to kick me while im down.

cant you see im trying?

im trying to change things

im trying to take control

cant you see thats exactly what i was doing right before you blamed me for everything

im trying to change

but i cant do it alone

but im not going to get any help from you

i fucking hate you

i wish you would fuck off because i cant handle your shit anymore.

i cant achieve my dreams when i have your voice 

whispering in my ear about what a shit excuse for a person i am

as if i dont already know it.

i want a cup cake.

the things we come to fear the most.

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

my warning to the world

people fucking piss me off
there is no denying it
i'm sick of being nice to everyone
when i couldnt care less

fuck being nice.

you aint seen nothing yet.

dont tell me.

ive trained twice in the last 2 weeks without my crucifix around my neck.

the first time i didnt wear it, i almost passed out from a massive asthma attack.

the second time i didnt wear it, i hurt my back so badly, i am bed ridden.

dont tell me there is no God or Jesus or heaven.

He protects me

everyday

He guides me

everyday

he is my savior.

♥

i'm a terrible person

but you're proving to be no better

love it how after so many years,

you discard me like an old piece of trash.

you're awesome.

just because i have a face for radio 

doesnt mean i'll be good at it

stupid shyness

was fun tho

&& you have no idea

what you've done to me

you have no idea what you left behind.

i miss you

holding hands in the car

&& kissing at red lights.

what happened to us?

She always loved to help other people;;

fix their mistakes but she never seemed

to be able to fix her own.

nothing.
nothing is wrong.
&& asking is against the rules.
crying is against the rules.
you're strong.
don’t let them break you.

this is what you mean to me

ive been trying to find the words to say

but maybe the fact is, that we need more then words.

say what you really mean

cause you'll be happier without me

i deserve someone who loves me with every cell in their body

not someone who is just scared of being alone.

Face your deficiencies && acknowledge them. 

But do not let them master you.

new found motivation.

you know what.

i realllyyyy dont like you.

&& nothing will give me more pleasure in the world

then crossing the line, turning around

&& seeing you a good 50 meters behind me.

I already kick your ass up && down the track

all day, every day.

In 6 months time.

The only thing that will have changed,

is the degree to which i beat you.

That, I guaranty.

Dear God,

Seriously?

like really?


i hope there is nothing more you want from me
coz i think you've just about taken everything.

i mean,
i know you get your rocks off 'testing' people,
but this is beyond a joke..

please find someone else to amuse yourself with
&& stop making my life impossible.

i wont let you win.

take what you want, but know,
you could never take my dreams away from me.




they're mine.

why am i pretending to care 

when clearly i dont

there is only one thing i care about.

Your Stories, My Alibis.

speak to me

tell me something so typical

a lullaby or something miserable

that will keep me up at night

lie to me

give me something worth living for

tell me a reason worth fighting for

give me anything, anything to keep me breathing

cross out these days

on your calendar

it hurts me so much

and im not quite sure

i care anymore

anything to keep me breathing

- matchbook romance

more then anything

&& i'm getting too tired

&& its getting worse

&& i'm worn out

from wearing this fake smile 

for your benefit 

i always wake up a little happier when your the star of my dreams

i wish i would never have to wake up.

the sound.

Can you hear it?

the silence?

its deafening.

it eats away hopes

in it, fear grows,

the ground grows weaker && weaker 

as the very foundation i worked so hard to build

falls by the wayside.

you know  n o t h i n g  of horror

bad luck

or misfortune

your life is still in YOUR control

can you hear it ?

this is the sound of my life falling apart

&&
i've
no
more
dreams
to defend

sydney airport.

home never felt so far away.

i'd kill to fall asleep

at least then i could dream

Nothing fails like success because we don't learn from it. 

 We learn only from failure. ~Kenneth Boudling

The men who try to do something and fail are infinitely better than those who try to do nothing and succeed. ~ Lloyd Jones

i took a risk

a leap of faith

i put everything on the line

i gambled with more then most

i dared to dream

i fought a good fight

i showed courage

i showed strength

i attempted the impossible

i believed

&& yeah, i did not succeed.

but at least i tried.

thats more then i can say about 99% of the population.

You don't drown by falling in the water; 

you drown by staying there. 

-- Edwin Louis Cole

You say I failed.

I say I learnt.

When defeat comes, 

accept it as a signal that your plans are not sound,

rebuild those plans,

and set sail once more toward your coveted goal. 

-- Napoleon Hill

 Today isnt 

  just           

 another      

 day. Today

 I'll create   

 something  

 beautiful    

picking up the pieces

from the outside looking in,

i don't expect you to understand what it feels like to fail.

i don't expect you to understand my misery and shame.

but i do expect you not to presume you know what it feels like.

because you have no idea.

my nightmare

when i close my eyes to dream

when i see the face of the guy i used to know

for a split second i miss you

i forget the bucket loads of bad

&& all i see is the 2% of you that i actually liked.

&& i miss you

i awake from this slumber state

certain you were the person in my dreams

only to realise when fully conscious

that i hate everything about you

i hate the way my sub-conscious remembers you

because you could never be him.

why wont you let this happen?

I believe God has a plan for us all.  

I trust in him to guide my way.  

&& even tho i cant see it right now, 

His will is for this not to happen.

He will show me my way.

"I tell you the truth, 

if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, 

you can say to this mountain,

 'Move from here to there' and it will move."

( Matthew 17:20 )