I can't say hello to you, and risk another goodbye

So that's it, that's the way goes. I can't help but wonder what will happen in 10 years time and if you're happy with the way that things will turn out. I can't help but wonder if I'll ever cross your mind again, if there'll ever be another thought were you are and I will be together. I can't help but wonder what you're doing right now and if there is any chance there's me on your mind. Because you're on my mind. But you always are and you know that. I love you and it kills me more than anything has ever hurt in my entire life and I've had enough heartbreaks to last six lifetimes and nothing will compare to the pain in my heart over you. You do this thing where you drive me crazy and leave and I'm left to pick up the peices, just in time to get my life together you come back around again. I've never been able to take your absences but I become absolutely paralysed by your presence. Sometimes I wish I could grab you by the shoulders and scream the words that I've never said to you but it won't make a difference and it never will, It never has and I will never know anything else other than pain from you

So I'll say goodbye and hope it's the last time. Maybe it will be the last time this time. Some part of me hopes that it is too because I can't handle saying goodbye to you

 each time I have to it brings me closer to the brink