you don't destroy the people you love.

id plunge my hand into my chest 

to rip my heart out just to 

scrap it for parts 

to fix your broken heart. 

the lights low.
your smooth skin on mine.
your fingers tracing lines on my naked back.
they sweetness of your scent.
the taste of your lips.
your skin between my teeth, 
under my nails. 
your heartbeat loud in my ear.

til my last breath

they say you don’t date your best friend, you marry them, or risk losing your best friend. and i never wanted to risk losing you. but I’ve already lost my best friend so maybe we should have risked it all. but i hope you know, i am arrogant enough to say no one has ever loved you to the depths of which i do. there is not much i have ever been sure of in my life but i am 100 percent sure of my love for you. and yeah, i know how it looks, that i run away when things get too real, but you’re the only person i ever run back to. i would have fought for you and for us until my last breath. i would have destroyed the world to protect you, i would move mountains to make you happy, i would never have given up on you. i would have married you, we would have had the most ridiculously attractive children in the entire world and i would have been the best wife through countless adventures, the ups and downs. i would have stood by your side and held your hand until the end. i would never have given up on you, and over a decade has passed and I’m still here, if that doesn’t prove how real this is then nothing will. nothing you could do in this world could ever stop me from loving you. i love you with a love that is so unconditional that i just want you to be happy. even if you require my absence to achieve that. and yeah i might force myself to move on, and settle with someone who could never be you. just know, when i take my last breath, whether its tomorrow, in 6 years time or in 60 years time. you will be the last thought that crosses my mind. because i will love you until my last breath, whether you're apart of my life or not.

Dashboard confessional - Standard Lines from Joao Quintans on Vimeo.

wildflowers.

the colour of the sunset is still fresh in my mind and i still remember the smell of your cologne as you traced your fingers along the lines of my jaw as you held my face and i breathed you in. we'd count the stars on a starless night as i looked for all the reason why this wasn't a good idea. the fireworks, in the sky and in our chemistry, never failed to impress as my brain got caught on the very thought of you. your hands on my bare skin, the way you pulled me in, the softness of your lips, id waited what felt like a life time for that moment as my logic battled my reason and my desires destroyed them both. i always promised myself to not let moments pass us by, to pick the wild flowers when they bloomed instead of waiting too long and watching them die. this moment wasn't overestimated but rather the most underrated experience i ever had. Reality isn't a place i frequent for it pails in comparison to the image my mind creates but my mind could never have created you and me and that moment more perfectly. i wish i could stay in the moment forever. You never usually know the significance of a moment until its long gone but i knew in that moment the value of every second. When you remember that you can never get a moment back, you cement the perfect ones in your mind to play and replay a hundred times over and store in the box in the corner of my brain to call on when i feel like drowning in all of you.