you
again
why does to always come back to you
i wish i could delete you
every memory of you
the look in your eyes when you look at me
the smell of your scent enveloping me
the taste of your skin between my teeth
they linger in my mind and burn themself on my soul
will i ever be free
will i ever be able to forget these things
ive cataloged these moments in the corners of my mind and i want nothing more than to set them on fire, to remove the poison from my mind, but i cant. i want to, but i cant. and all im let with is the undeniable helplessness of being haunted by the memories that once brought me company. Ive always live in these moments but i want a life that transcends this. i cant live and die in the maybes, the what ifs, the moments that will never happened. im so sad that we are through but i still fucking love you. And thats okay. but the person i love isnt the person you are. you are mean, selfish, hurtful, angry, resentful, scared. and i dont blame you for being ALL of those things. But its not my problem to fix them. i cant save you. you wont let me. i dont want you. but as much as i come to terms with the fact that you could NEVER be him, the person you used to be, i still cant let you go.
you symbolise something that im missing.
desire.
passion.
understanding.
safety.
love.
vicious love.
i dont know why my soul keeps coming back to you.
to this.
to us.
and i will hit my head against a wall if it meant i could beat these memories out, these thought processes. but i cant help but feel they are there for a reason. a reminder. something. these memories come at times to remind me of something. but what? that im on the wrong path? that im on the right path? i dont even care anymore. my heart is a heavy burden. along with these memories.
they haunt me. and i will forever be haunted by a person who died a long time ago.
