could it be that i was wrong about you from the start?

or did i just know your ending?

i used to think you were better in my head, better in the abstract but you give me moments that prove that wrong

the person i think you are in the person you actually are

beneath all the bullshit, the person you pretend to be

but i see you

i always have

even when you cant see yourself

i wish we could go back to a time where we could have gotten it right

figured it out

and got out of our own damn way

its hard not to feel like thats gone now

id take our chance in an instant but doing so means you have some big dreams to give up

and we both know i am not worth that

and i dont want you to sacrifice that for me

i love you enough to know that you will be happier with someone else

even if we both know that she could never love you like i could.

 

 

catharsis

sometimes i wish i could go back in time to the places we missed the most. our timing was always impeccable and the tension always palpable. we could sit and wait and laugh and love. but do it right this time.

but honestly, one of the best moments weve ever had are these ones. today.

i waited years for the taste of your lips but even longer for your honesty.

after 19 years. 19 years.

i got my first taste

and it was as enriching and loving and cathartic of an experience as i will ever have. 

and even though it doesnt mean i thing, i will catalog that one as one of the best.

to love is to destroy

im getting vague flashbacks of that night

you said pool room and that was my first glimpse

but the more i think about it the more pieces that come back

your hair in my fingers

the feel of your lower lip between my teeth

your wandering hands

my wandering thoughts

hot and passionate was how you described it

i like those words on your lips when describing me

but flip the coin and youre gone

i ruined it

because thats just what i do

i took the delicacy of that moment and i crush it in my vulnerabilities, 

after all, you cant hurt me if i hurt you first 

you deserve so much better than me

but i loved you so much for and so long and it brought out the worst in me