Gravity is the force that causes two particles to pull towards each other. 

thats what this is.
i orbit you and you are the centre of my universe.
its like i try to get away from you but your pulling me back to you.
 and there is nothing i can do about it and no amount of time will ever change that.
we have this connection and we're drawn to each other like magnets.
theres something about you and its always been you
captivating
breathtaking

and i don't know what I'm supposed to do with that.

the only place thats real

another night spent dreaming about, you reaching for me. we hide and embrace and you hold my hand while i tell you that i love you and whispered it back to me like it was a secret that i already knew and i was the only one you've told.  i keep waiting to get over you to leave this in the past but you've grown on me like a rainforest or maybe a weed and your roots have grown so deep into my bones that i could cut the tree down to the core but the roots would still be intertwined in my soul. so i cut and i cut and i hack and i hack and no amount of effort could ever get you out of my system.  Your a drug and i'm sick of relapsing.  But i crave my next hit in a way that i shouldn't. and a big part of me wishes i could leave you behind but a bigger part of me knows that i can't live without this because even if its only in my dreams, i can't bare the thought of never seeing that look in your eyes when i tell you how much you mean to me.
its always been you.

i wonder if you were there
blended in the crowd
blurred amongst the thousands of faces
watching
waiting
from the distance, too worried that you wouldn't remain unnoticed.

i wonder if you keep track
keep tabs on me
like i do you.

but the question isn't one i ponder but rather what i wish for
because i know you weren't there
and you never will be

but even if i let myself believe for only a minute that you were standing in that crowd, i hope to god i'd feel you. your eyes on my bare skin.  That a light would shine from the look in your eyes and even amongst millions, id like to believe you wouldn't go unnoticed. at least not by me.
that id sense your closeness
breath you in
crave you
and you'd pull me away and sweep me off my feet, captivate me in your presence and in a crowd full of thousands, all i would see is you.

maybe its in my head. maybe you never really felt the same.

he's more myself than i am.

whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.

so which do you choose?

that one you love unconditionally but they may never feel the same?

Or the one who loves you unconditionally but you may never feel the same?

i will always be yours, even when you don't want me. and even though you've ruined me, i could never regret you.

and i could never blame you.

i don't love me

so i guess thats how i understand why you don't either 

so even if we never talk again, i am forever changed by who you are

and what you mean to me.

but i love you

and its killing me.

The love that lasts the longest is the love that can never be

and i wonder why I'm here. really. this exact spot.
why i made the choices I've made and turned my back on what i really want
i guess there is so much that i want
i want to run as fast as i can dream and travel the depths of the world, i want a world full of adventure and courage and pursuit. i want something most other could never imagine.
i want those 5 rings
i want success only few ever experience and few ever deserve. i want to show the world what I'm made of

and i want you.

but they're mismatched world that don't fit together in a way that would give rise to having it all so the choice has always been mine but its a choice between food or water and i can't live without either so i make the choice i feel i need to make although my body can not survive without one of these things for very long and I'm jaded and I'm craving what my body needs but my dreams get in the way and I'm scared of losing the world to gain you.  I've gained the world but lost my soul like the way i get lost in your eyes and my vision is cloudy and my brain can't figure a way to burst through this chaos and wave the white flag and surrender to what my heart really wants even though it wants so much so instead ill sit here at war with myself and my dreams and my conscious thought while you filter your way through the unknown process of my brain and just as i learn to breath without you in my life you'll open the door in my head that i keep you locked behind and remind me that this isn't want i want for the rest of my life and that this isn't who i want to be that I've chosen what good for me right now but not whats good for me in 20 years time and in 20 years time i'll be nothing but a speck of dust in the corners of your mind and you wipe me away and discard me like i never meant a thing to you, or maybe i already don't.
i want to run to you and i want you to wait for me but thats just about the most selfish thought I've ever had in my life.

just to circle back to this point again

every step i take away from you is a step closer to your direction
absence does in fact make the heart grow stronger
and the ties that bind us are so deep that you'll have to cut me to the depths of my core to release this bond we hold.
and i know you feel it too
fuck we are looking at what? 12 years now.
12 years and it never gets easier
people get less for murder and I'm getting this for theft.
12 and counting since you stole apart of me
that i long for it back
or maybe I'm as whole as I've ever been and the part of me that I'm missing, is you.
i just didn't realise it was missing until i found you
and i don't know what it is about you that draws me to you
day after day, year after year. how many decades can this last
and the worst part is that even though your exactly what i crave
we will never be
we can never be
its not an option
your going nowhere
I'm going nowhere
and i want to go somewhere with someone who means something
we don't fit together, we're like two of the same jigsaw puzzle
and even though i long for you, the pieces don't fit
they don't fit and show a beautiful picture
we're mismatched and don't fit the mould
though i guess i never have
and its irrational
and its crazy
and i have never loved or longed over anything the way i do you.
but its not enough
and it'll never be enough

your some how everything i need but nothing i want at the same time.

whatever that means..