just because i let you go, doesn't mean i wanted to

you don't get to choose, you just fall in love

and you get this person who is all wrong

and all right at the same time. 

and you know

you love them so much 

except somethimes

they drive you completely insane

no one can explain it

and the reason its so confusing is because its love,

and if love didn't have its challenges,

what would be the point?

but i promise you this;

no matter who enters your life,

i will love you more than any of them

i hope my last breath is a sigh of relief

i told you i loved you
you told me you appreciated my honesty
and thats when i knew
with 100% certainty that i was too late
years too late
maybe longer
but it was okay,
it wasn't going to end the way i wanted it to but its okay.
my soul is a peace
my heart knows it tried,
however late it was
and I'm glad that you know the truth
there is so much more truth to be told but the important things have seen the light of day
you know that i love you
that I've loved you for a long time
you know why I've done the things I've done
you know how significant you are to me
and most importantly, you know I'm sorry

in the end i tried, and i cared and sometimes thats enough

i took it off, i did not want to carry it with me anymore

all you need is 20 seconds of insane courage and i promise you something great will come of it.

no words ring truer for me today, even if the best thing i can do is let you go.
i pressed send on a small snippet of all the words i wanted to say to you
and the weight of the world lifted off my shoulders
when i look back now, you can't say i didn't try
because i did
i bared all and even if it doesn't change a thing between us
it changes a lot within me
my heart is calm and my soul is at peace
because i know i did the right thing
even if it was at the wrong time

In all the world, there is no heart for me like yours
In all the world, there is no love for you like mine

but it almost doesn't matter anymore

i have clarity
and pride in what i did
you fog things up,
but the fogs clearing

i had no idea how much those unspoken words had been weighing me down

you will find it is necessary to let things go; 

simply because they are heavy.

almost

you and i

always almost

again

and again

i wonder if you recall the way

i couldn't keep my eyes off you

my head on your shoulder

bodies close

the look in your eyes

as i melted into you

it was an almost moment

the almost moment

that started it all

we were always on the verge of almost

never nothing

never something

but never again

loving you is like waiting for a ship at the airport

i closed my eyes 

and you kissed me like you should have kissed me from the start

and it was perfect, intimate and i could feel your love for me pour from your lips

the taste of them drew me in and i never wanted this moment to end

it was what I've always wanted

you body against mine

my lips on your lips

my hand on your neck

time stood still as my heart beat faster and faster and faster

my mind had never been so clear, so enveloped on you

nothing in this world could ever exist in that moment

then i opened my eyes

and all i saw was darkness

it was cold

disappointing

so i rolled over and pulled the covers over my head

“And when her lips met mine, I knew that I could live to be a hundred and visit every country in the world, but nothing would ever compare to that single moment when I first kissed the girl of my dreams and knew that my love would last forever.” ― Nicholas Sparks

this is who i am

i don't walk, i run

i don't jump, i leap

and i don't like, i love

when this is all said and its all done
i want to know it wasn't my fault
that i did everything i could have
that it was you that stopped this
that let us down
and maybe i then would have no regrets
i need to learn that i can't force it to happen
that i can't control what you do next
that all i can control is my end of the deal
and its not my fault if you don't hold up your end of the bargain
because when its all said
and its all done

i want to know it was all your fault.

Just an unrequited lover, Wishing she had never spoken your name

she is made up of words that not anyone can understand

her mind is a dictionary of sadness and heartache

and her heart is a poetry book for the hopeless

she is the prettiest song

the perfect sonnet

the most meaningful haiku

and the longest novel

it takes awhile to read her

seconds to love her

and a lifetime to forget her

my brain gets caught on you

I've been staring at this blank page for 20 minutes with so much to say and no way to say it

my thoughts are are jumbled mess tripping on the very thought of you

i wish you could get out of my head

you could never be the person my subconscious makes you out to be

and its just writing fictional stories about us night after night

year after year

with no point or reason and without logic

i want it to end

maybe one day it will

maybe it'll end they day i tell you i love you

or the day i marry someone else

maybe it will be the reason i let you go

i used to dream of marrying you and spending my life with you

but i know that it isn't for me

that I'm not the one for you

and your not the one for me

you can't have two broken people in a relationship

and I've spent so many years loving you

maybe ill spend the rest of my life loving you

I can't say hello to you, and risk another goodbye

So that's it, that's the way goes. I can't help but wonder what will happen in 10 years time and if you're happy with the way that things will turn out. I can't help but wonder if I'll ever cross your mind again, if there'll ever be another thought were you are and I will be together. I can't help but wonder what you're doing right now and if there is any chance there's me on your mind. Because you're on my mind. But you always are and you know that. I love you and it kills me more than anything has ever hurt in my entire life and I've had enough heartbreaks to last six lifetimes and nothing will compare to the pain in my heart over you. You do this thing where you drive me crazy and leave and I'm left to pick up the peices, just in time to get my life together you come back around again. I've never been able to take your absences but I become absolutely paralysed by your presence. Sometimes I wish I could grab you by the shoulders and scream the words that I've never said to you but it won't make a difference and it never will, It never has and I will never know anything else other than pain from you

So I'll say goodbye and hope it's the last time. Maybe it will be the last time this time. Some part of me hopes that it is too because I can't handle saying goodbye to you

 each time I have to it brings me closer to the brink